Giving is your nature, but over giving is your trauma.
I know it’s who you are. I get it.
But I need you to stop.
I used to be the same way.
I wanted to make sure everyone around me had what they needed.
That they’re comfortable even if I was temporarily uncomfortable.
That if I had the means to help, I should.
No matter what.
Even if I was tired or needed rest.
If I had an ounce of free time. If I thought they would even slightly appreciate it.
That was until I burnt out.
Once I realized how over giving was affecting me, I had to figure out why I did it so often. And ultimately that’s what helped me stop.
But when I stopped I was surprised at the positive changes, but equally surprised at the challenges.
Here are three challenges you might be surprised about when you decide to stop over giving.
People will fall out of alignment
Let’s face it, some people are around you because of what you give.
Whether it’s resources, advice, or undivided attention.
However, when things change, they might distance themselves from you.
It’s important to develop discernment as it’s the most valuable tool you need.
This is because everyone will react when you stop giving too much.
There’s a difference between people becoming uncomfortable because they don’t understand why you’re shifting.
Some people will only need time to adjust to the new you.
But others will be mad that your changes no longer benefit them.
Take your time and learn how to tell the difference between what your intuition tells you and what your anxiety tells you.
By using discernment, you can learn to distinguish those who truly value your company from those who are only interested in what you can offer them.
Because unfortunately, people won’t be the only things that fall out of alignment.
The more you develop the strength it takes to not over-give, the more you will align with things meant for you.
Which also means the things you aren’t aligned with will fall away.
You may leave jobs, lose friends, change hobbies, or leave a romantic partner.
And this can be especially difficult if you’ve been over giving due to an unprocessed abandonment wound.
It’s going to require a lot of patience and self-love to overcome but it’s possible.
And you’ll find more peace by the end of it.
2. You’ll feel like you have nothing to hold on to.
If you over-give, it has likely become more of a reflex.
A subconscious response rather than a kind gesture.
You could have learned to over-give because it feels like it’s what you’re supposed to do.
And when you stop, you don’t know what to fill that void with.
The key to this is to hold your center.
Even in the discomfort. Even in the void. Just pause.
Avoid the knee-jerk reactions to give or overexert yourself if someone comes to you with a problem.
Wait for them to ask outright. Eventually, that feeling will subside, and you’ll feel normal again.
3. You’re going to experience “Negative Emotions”
Self-preservation is not selfish.
Not listening to your co-worker vent because you have work to do is in your self-interest, and that’s okay. Everybody is better for it, even if you feel bad because you didn’t stop what you were doing to listen.
Not volunteering to help on your day off is not selfish. Rest is essential.
The key to overcoming this is trust.
Trust that whatever you’re going to overextend yourself for can get done without you.
They can figure it out without you swooping in like Superman or Wonder Woman.
Everything you’ve ever learned has pointed to other people’s problems and shortcomings being your responsibility.
Hopefully, this takes some weight off your shoulders.
You are doing those people a disservice if you always jump in head first to save them.
And by “save” I mean always filling in where they’re lacking, always going out your way to make sure they never feel negative emotions, or making sure they want for nothing.
Or if you’re always saying yes at work, never taking days off, and working when you’re not being paid or recognized.
If you don’t stop over giving, you are robbing them of their opportunities for growth and simultaneously draining yourself.
Face and process the “negative” feelings you have instead of attempting to fix theirs.
Conclusion
It’s going to feel strange.
But after you do it for a while you’re going to realize it was 100% necessary.
And you’ll more than likely notice that you’re still able to be generous.
You can still give, but now you’re giving from a more authentic place.
Which means so much more to you and everyone around you.
As always, sending love and healing your way.
~Bye~
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