If your mother is human, she likely has a shadow. And through her shadow self, your mother wound is created.
If left unattended, this wound perpetuates feelings of guilt, shame, and lack of courage. And even result in behaviors that keep you locked away, unable to experience the freedom of becoming your true self.
Disney’s Tangled Brings Your Mother’s Shadow To Life
Hey there! I’m Kayla and Welcome to my series, Movies With A Message where we use movies to shine a light on what’s happening in our internal world.
I was watching Disney’s Tangled, and something told me there was more to it than what meets the eye.
And the more I watched, the more it became clear. This movie reveals that we must break free from our mother wound to experience true freedom.
The information that we get at the beginning of Tangled is important. Rapunzel’s mother, the queen, almost died while pregnant with Rapunzel. The Queen, being faced with her own mortality, is much more likely to develop a shadow side that would become obsessed with youth and maybe even fear that the world isn’t safe.
If your mother is human, she has a shadow self.
Which is the part of you that acts unconsciously. Meaning whether your mother is aware of it or not, she will occasionally act out of her shadow.
Which, with her being the first relationship you have in your life, can cause you to internalize the parts of her that are wounded.
This is why I believe you can have a mother wound regardless of gender.
This is basically personified in Mother Gothel, the old woman, who locks baby Rapunzel away in a tower where she can’t experience the real world. And uses Rapunzel’s hair to bring herself youth and beauty.
The Four Types of Mother Wound
There are a few different ideologies about the mother wound and how it manifests. However, the one that explains it the best is the one described by Bethany Webster.
Bethany describes the mother wound as the pain rooted in our relationship with our mothers that passes down from generation to generation in patriarchal cultures.
And that it manifests within you as…
- Not being your full self because you don’t want to threaten others.
- Having a high tolerance for poor treatment from others.
- Emotional caretaking or exhibiting codependent behaviors.
- Self-sabotage when we’re close to breakthroughs.
- Being too rigid and dominating.
- Perfectionism, feeling like we have to control everything to be OK
All behaviors that keep us from experiencing the freedom of being our true selves.
Bethany Webster explains that the mother wound exists on 4 different levels.
The personal, the cultural, the spiritual, and the planetary.
And if you watch closely, the movie Tangled, touches on all 4.
After Mother Gothel kidnaps Rapunzel she teaches her that she can’t go out into the world because it’s full of dangerous selfish people.
Even though she was the one that had access to a flower that could cure disease and used it for her own selfish motives and on top of it stole a child for that same benefit.
Gothel keeps Rapunzel loyal to her by telling her how valuable her gifts are and that if the outside world knew they would try and take it.
Through these interactions, we can see that Gothel is wounded. She values her own health, youth, and beauty over the desires of her “child”.
Mother Gothel Embodies The Cultural Mother Wound
The cultural mother wound is the cultural atmosphere of patriarchy, which says women are “less than” and how that belief in women’s innate inferiority penetrates every aspect of our culture.
Many of us have internalized this belief through patriarchy that our worth lies in our beauty and our youth. As we age we constantly fear running out of time and not “aging gracefully”.
And Gothel represents that wounded part of us all that is passed down from generation to generation and perpetuated by the societies we’re in.
As Rapunzel ages, she stays in the tower, nurturing the shadow of her mother out of fear that the only thing waiting for her outside the tower is danger.
After being stolen and locked away, Rapunzel really is comfortable in her tower. She’s got lots of hobbies and a chameleon companion to talk to. And Day in and Day out she stays put while Mother Gothel pops in and out. Rapunzel does adapt to the belief that the outside world is dangerous.
But this is an inherited belief from Mother Gothel because Rapunzel has never been outside the confines of the tower to know if the world is safe or not or whether or not she has the capability to handle it.
This is where the personal mother wound comes into play.
Inherited Beliefs Form The Personal Mother Wound
The personal mother wound involves painful patterns, beliefs, and dynamics that start with our mothers and cause us to unconsciously limit or sabotage ourselves.
But even with this inherited belief lingering in the back of Rapunzel’s mind and Mother Gothel continuously reminding her of it, she still longs to experience more.
While she’s comfortable where she’s at, we can recognize in her that her desires are becoming increasingly stronger than her fears.
That’s because comfort only lasts so long. At some point, we all seek out change. In Rapunzel’s case, she wants to see the floating lights that are released each year on her birthday in person.
But to do that she needs to leave the tower. And she thinks the only way is to convince Mother Gothel to take her.
When Gothel says no, Rapunzel stuffs her desires and decides just to wait for next year.
Until she meets Flynn Ryder.
Flynn sneaking into her tower helps Rapunzel prove to herself that she can face her inherited fears, when she’s armed with the right tools of course.
Her encounter with Flynn also gives her a taste of her own personal power in other ways.
Rapunzel’s want to leave is reignited and when that happens Gothel’s reaction makes it very clear to Rapunzel that staying loyal to her mother’s shadow will never get her what she wants.
As Bethany Webster says, “Many of us confuse being loyal to our mothers with being loyal to their wounds, and thus, complicit in our own oppression.”
Rapunzel meeting Flynn Ryder is how she reconnects with the side of her that’s free. The rebel, the outlaw, the one who doesn’t follow the rules. And he needs her as much as she needs him, even if he doesn’t realize it yet.
It’s the beginning of her union with the self and subsequently reconnects her to life itself.
Tangled Highlights the Planetary Mother Wound
The Planetary mother wound Manifests as our disconnection from nature and the planet that gives us life.
A lot of people find that when they reconnect with parts of themselves that they’ve been missing, they tend to find themselves also becoming more connected to nature.
Rapunzel escapes her tower and the feelings of guilt, shame, and self-sabotage surface immediately.
This is realistic because that typically happens when your mother wound has been unattended.
But these feelings must be addressed because the cost of not healing the mother wound is way more expensive than you think.
It includes things like…
- Never reaching your full potential
- Self-sabotage when you get close to a breakthrough
- Unconsciously waiting for your mother’s permission or approval before claiming your own life
- Not having boundaries or not knowing how to maintain the boundaries you do have
and more.
Uniting with your full self is scary, and it might make you face your fears. But Rapunzel decides all this is worth it to follow her dreams. She literally ends up at a pub full of “ruffians and thugs” and still continues on.
So you might even be surprised when the thing you’ve been intimidated by this whole time isn’t actually as much of a threat as you thought it would be.
Rapunzel Continuously Chooses Personal Growth
What I like most about this depiction of the mother wound is that Rapunzel has many instances when she can choose to turn back and it’s always right before she has another breakthrough.
And at each of these moments, she learns something more about herself that parallels the mother wound in some way.
- She escapes the tower and is immediately at war with herself. Overthinking her decision because of how Mother Gothel will react. But Flynn helps her see that she has to choose herself instead of choosing to stay loyal to her mother’s shadow. (A deep-rooted fear of failure or disapproval. )
- Rapunzel and Flynn find themselves at a bar full of Ruffians and she learns that speaking up on her dreams and desires can get her a long way. (Not being your full self because you don’t want to threaten others & Not feeling safe enough to take up space and voice your truth.)
- They were stuck in a cave as the water was filling and she learned that her gift could be used in not-so-traditional ways as well as using it to heal Flynn’s hand. Rapunzel realizes that she’s not just locking herself away in that tower. But her gifts as well. (“Hiding from our own power”)
- When she’s in the rowboat with Flynn she mentions that she’s terrified. And asks what if her dream isn’t everything she dreamed it would be? and what is she supposed to do when her dream is actually fulfilled. (Fear of success)
Instances like this will surface in real life too. But they are meant to teach you about yourself and also teach you determination. As represented by Maximus, the most determined horse alive.
The Lantern Festival Connects Rapunzel to the Divine
Rapunzel’s dream was to see the floating lanterns the castle releases on her birthday.
Lantern festivals originated as a Chinese tradition. Where people release lanterns during the first full moon of the first month of the Chinese calendar.
These festivals represent leaving a past self behind.
And with the Sun, which historically symbolizes a connection with the divine and royalty.
I think the lantern festival symbolizes Rapunzel’s reconnection with the divine through the healing of her mother wound.
The spiritual mother wound is a wound with life itself, causing us to feel an existential sense of disconnection from a higher power.
This part of the mother wound will leave you with the sense of feeling alone in the world and in the universe.
So if you’ve seen my other videos about the shadow self, you’ll know that your shadow will do anything it can to stay in power because facing the truth of it is painful. And our minds tend to avoid pain at all costs.
While the mother wound is birthed from your mother’s shadow, it becomes part of your shadow as well.
And you can easily self-sabotage union with yourself and you’ll be convinced it’s because you didn’t honor the mother wound festering inside of you.
It doesn’t matter what you’re trying to come into union with. Your dream relationship, career, self-love, healthy friendships. Your mother wound will fester until it’s healed and always return you to where you started.
But because you have newfound knowledge and determination, the wound doesn’t have as much control over you.
The desire to connect to your personal power, the divine, and your full self will be stronger than all of that if you’ve experienced even a little of what it feels like.
Breaking Free From the Mother Wound
Rapunzel attempts to save Flynn from what Mother Gothel has done and he does something unexpected.
He sets her truly free. She’s no longer bound by her mother, her castle, or her magical hair.
And in that moment Rapunzel learns that her gifts and what makes her special are within her whole being. Not just her hair.
Once you work through the self-sabotage and the fear, and set yourself free from your mother wound. You return home to yourself. Your full self.
You’re able to handle your emotions, maintain healthy boundaries, feel safe and trust in your own capabilities, and open yourself up to more opportunities for happiness.
And just like Rapunzel, you can help others set themselves free and follow their dreams. Just like how you followed yours.
Thanks for watching, As always, I’m sending love and healing your way!
Bye!
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