Between me and you, these are friendship red flags that I’m not ignoring anymore, and I don’t think you should either.
I have been a live-and-let-live girl my whole life. I became friends with you because I see the good in you.
And because I saw the good in you, I assume you want the best for me like I want the best for you.
So, of course, I let a few things slide. I mean we’re friends, right?
Well, recently I’ve realized that some things I should not have let slide. If I had looked closer, I would have taken a step back much earlier.
So here are six friendship red flags that you probably shouldn’t ignore.
Disclaimer: This is not licensed advice. Read my disclaimer here.
1. They Don’t Match Energy
Lack of reciprocity is a friendship red flag you definitely should not ignore.
Maybe you were raised to be a giver, so now you over-give in every aspect of your life. Which leaves you drained at the end of every day.
Or maybe, you have an unattended abandonment wound, and you over-give to keep people from leaving you.
Whatever the case is, if you feel yourself giving more to your friendships than you receive, you should not ignore that.
It’s a red flag if you’re the only one reaching out.
If you’re going hard for their birthday and life events and they can’t be bothered to attend yours.
Or if your friends don’t support you in your endeavors the way you support them.
Even if you spend more time helping them through their problems, and when you need help, they’re nowhere to be found.
It might be time to address that, but you should check in internally first.
2. There’s a one-sided, unspoken competition occurring
Most people ignore this friendship red flag because it can be so subtle when it happens.
It’s easy to ignore this red flag because it’s not always a bad thing.
The truth is that most people compare themselves to others on a subconscious level.
Psychologists call it the social comparison theory.
Social comparison can be beneficial because comparing ourselves with people in our social networks can help us to reach our goals.
But I think this crosses over into being a red flag when people are too emotionally connected to these comparisons.
For example, in an upward comparison, that friend will put you on a pedestal. If they’re emotionally connected to that, you’ll see it affect their self-esteem, and they will feel envy towards you and dissatisfaction within themselves.
In a downward comparison, that friend will see themselves as more elevated than you. They could feel grateful to be able to help you. Or if they’re too emotionally connected to that, they’ll feel contempt because don’t value your position.
In a lateral comparison, they see you as on the same playing field as them. This creates a sense of camaraderie. But there will be a time when you step out of your “comfort zone”.
And if they are too emotionally connected to that comparison, it can sometimes threaten their self-perception.
The friendship red flags to look for include interactions that you have with them that make you feel like there’s an unspoken competition going on.
Once you see it, you won’t be able to unsee it.
3. They Size You Up
As far as making new friends goes. Be on the lookout for people that size you up.
Depending on the severity, you could consider this just a yellow flag.
But in many cases, this is basically the beginning stages of the silent competition.
If you’re making new friends and the questions seem to be a little more than just getting to know you, that could potentially be a red flag.
It’s not always, but you shouldn’t just ignore it.
Typically when people do this, they’re trying to figure out where you fit in the social hierarchy they’ve created in their mind.
People are looking for where they can make an upward, downward, or lateral comparison to you.
The friendship red flag comes into play if they treat you differently once they determine where you fit.
Especially if they can’t figure out WHERE you fit in comparison.
For example, you meet someone and they find out you’re well-educated.
Afterward this conversation they start claiming you’re better than them.
Or they start doing things to you that will “prove” that you aren’t as smart as THEY think.
If anything like this happens, you may want to proceed with caution.
4. Refusal To Let Go of Old Wounds/Patterns
This friendship red flag is probably geared more towards friendships you’ve had for a while.
But if they’re someone who’s always complaining about the same things that have wounded them.
For years and years, without doing anything about it?
They are aware of these wounds and how they’re affecting them and aren’t doing anything to begin to heal or move forward?
Yeah…
If you’re someone who is dedicated to your own personal growth and transformation, it will hold you back.
I would not ignore that because when you begin to transform and leave your old patterns and wounds behind, it will trigger them heavily.
Which can cause people to do and say not-so-nice things.
You two definitely need to have a conversation, to move forward.
5. Uneasy Familiarity
I discussed friendship red flag as one that I’m personally not ignoring in my video on YouTube.
But if someone feels familiar, in a way that feels somewhat uncomfortable.
Or if they remind you of someone envious of you in the past…
RUN.
That’s your intuition pinging you, telling you not to trust that person too much.
Your intuition knows it, your body knows it, and your energy field knows it.
And if you invite that person too close to you, you might have some lessons in store for you.
And not in the easiest way.
6. They Treat Other People Poorly
If they tell other people’s secrets, they’re telling your secrets.
If you think they treat everyone else badly, customer service people, their family, other friends. That person will one hundred percent do it to you.
If they gossip about other friends to you, they will gossip about you.
Out of these friendship red flags, this one can be intentionally overlooked because you can write it off as “just their personality.”
Just keep an eye out if you always have to remain, “on their good side.”
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